I just want to be me, the real me, in a world that can celebrate the fact that I march to the beat of my own drum. I don’t have very many fucks to give, since society broke my give a damn.
I have Asperger’s Syndrome, adult diagnosis. What does that mean? I’m the shit. Narcissism anyone? I’m different. I’m eccentric, and I have a difficult time finding a place to fit in. Society has all these unwritten rules and if I explain them to you in a logical context, even you say they don’t make sense. For instance, if someone hits their head and you see it, you hear it, and you hear whatever expletives or cries they respond with, then you know the person is hurt. The first thing society has taught us to ask is, “Are you okay?” That’s a stupid question because in this example I saw the person hit their head, I heard them hit their head, them I heard them curse like a sailor on leave. I logically know that the person is not okay, but I still have to remind myself to ask it or it appears that I do not have empathy. I have empathy, but I’m logical.
I grew up in the South where I was surrounded by racists and hateful people who used a pulpit to spread hate, not love, and definitely not the word of a prophet or messiah. But I’m supposed to conform and smile when I don’t feel like it. It drains me, so I quit doing it. I chose a path I believe in and that has led by example. I hold those values very close to my heart, but am often wary of those who preach at me, especially south of the Mason-Dixon line.
I genuinely love people. I don’t like social chitchat and I loathe gossip. I find humans feel the need to fill the air with insignificant words and conversation. I need something with a little more depth, so I encourage and enjoy conversations filled with the word “fuck”, philosophy, history, politics, perspective/history/analysis of religion, music, photography, art, film, and books.
I have a strong disdain for any type of injustice. My heart is always drawn to those with broken wings, especially animals. I can often find the good in people when no one else can. I’m capable of setting aside who a person is from the decisions they’ve made. Our decisions don’t always define us as a person. I’m a believer in chances, and sometimes it takes more than two.
I will not entertain conversations or people who engage in behaviors that are considered racist, homophobic, or discriminatory towards any human being that is not harming another living thing. Love is so much easier than hate, and damn, it feels good all the way down to your bones.
I’ve had to learn to walk away from people I love because they continue to hurt me. It took so many broken hearts to learn that walking away doesn’t equate ceasing to love a person. It just means I’m protecting my heart and others that I love. I cannot allow negative energy into my life. It’s like the plague and runs rampant through my life if I even look at it.
I’m an indie author and that doesn’t equate to my books being shit. The publishing world has too many rules for me.
This blog is just a whole bunch of shit I want to say.